Peppermint Mocha and Combos Pizzeria Pretzel

I woke up yesterday with a scratch throat and stuffy nose.
By mid-afternoon, Moira was complaining of a "hurty roat, momma".
Oy.
Last night, I wanted to do everything I could to help her, and water seemed to be the drink of her choice.
She downed an entire sippy cup before falling asleep.
I, on the other hand, was still "hurty".
Enter: a large cup of coffee with a good helping of liquid peppermint mocha and a big bag of Combos.
I know, it's not the nicest combination but it didn't taste half bad.
Really.

I'm not sure whether they really helped my throat, as it's still pretty "hurty" today, but between the warmth of the coffee and the hard edges of the Combos to soothe/itch my throat, I did feel better for a bit.

Eggo In the Oven love

Go here to see Eggo in the Oven's FB page.

While it breaks my heart that it was necessary, I am honored that these shirts are so important to the Scott family that they asked if they could send them back to me to add another set of "angel footprints" for another miscarriage. ♥
No words. Just hugs.

 

Tears welled up as I opened this page and saw what the lovely Kim had said about us. 

Tears were literally streaming down my face. 

Something simple as a t-shirt with hearts on it make such a statement for us. 

Thank you, Kim.  

 

Musings of a Mommy

I haven't posted since our miscarriage - our lives are extremely busy and I just didn't have the "umph" to do it.
Since losing the baby, we have had numerous tests done with nothing coming back as anything but normal. We're disappointed but encouraged that we don't have anything glaring wrong with us. And we know my body can carry a baby, as I have a toddler that is currently enamored with Caillou, Elmo and all things Dora and Diego running around my house :)
Our next step is currently just prayer and the unknown.  We have decided to take some time off of testing and all that jazz, as we are both back in college and working hard.
Speaking of college, Caleb and I both finished our first quarters with 4.0 in each of our classes :)  We both worked very hard, learned some lessons about going back to school while working and parents but we enjoyed our professors and classes. It feels great to be back in school, achieving goals and trying to keep my teaching certificate! I've met some great new people and am just loving it! Caleb's schooling is helping him move up in his job and finally achieving the college degree of programmer that he really wants!
We both start up again in 2 weeks and are about as ready as we can be.  Once again, we will have to have rotating grandparents on duty one night a week, but I think that both the grandparents and Moira enjoy it as much as we do!  She gets a few hours of uninterrupted grandparent time, dinner (and often times, choco milk!) with them and just all around fun.  We get 4 hours of class (not always fun) but we know she is in good hands :)
Work is going well - Caleb was promoted right after we started college again and is now Programmer Analyst for the team. He would eventually like to be Programmer but needs some more schooling in order to achieve that title. It's a big motivator in doing well and getting his degree!
I'm still teaching part-time at a local school with the after-school program. This year has been challenging, as a few of my kindergarten students are very low...they struggle with simple concepts and tasks and could probably have great benefit in attending a preschool but since preschool is not required.... It is fun though, and I really enjoy working with the kids.  We made gak the week of Christmas break ( a great find on Pinterest) and the kids had a BLAST! Some of the parents got irritated with the mess we were making when they came to pick up their kids. I personally enjoy making the mess with the kids and we always clean up! My current college plan is also to help my job - in order for me to keep my teaching certificate, I have to have 18 credit hours.  My certificate expires in June of 2012, so I need to push through getting my hours in before then!
Moira is going to be 2 in a few weeks - I still cannot believe it! She's a walking, running, signing, laughing, coloring toddler who LOVES Dora and Diego, as well as Caillou and Elmo. She enjoys crafts, coloring and hates to be messy. Go figure.  She's speaking in full sentences a lot and it is great to see her personality just shine through! She is stubborn often times (there is a great debate as to which parent this trait comes from!), especially if she's tired.  We notice massive meltodwns, temper tantrums and whiney toddler moments when she's overstimulated/overtired, so we're making every effort to make sure she's getting her necessary sleep.  I know this seems like general knowledge, but up until a few months ago, this kid could/would sleep anywhere with just about anything going on. Not so much now.
Her party is planned for her birthday and we're going to do a simple fun penguin themed soiree. Cupcakes and hot chocolate bar will be the menu, I think.  Her party is just a few weeks after classes start and I really don't know that I can handle anything huge.  Some balloons, a few decorations. Nothing big.
Well, I have been offered a lovely lunch of hot dogs, hamburgers, yogurt, baby's bottle and oatmeal from Moira's Diner, so I must go!
I want to make every effort to try to post something each day in 2012 - something about the day or what we are thankful for. Not exactly sure yet but I'm going to try!

Tears and Tylenol 3 with codine.

This wasn't supposed to happen again. 
I'm not supposed to be recovering from another miscarriage, another D&C, another loss again.
I'm supposed to be pregnant, supposed to be horribly sick for a reason.
Instead, I'm sick from pain medications, antibiotics and lack of wanting to eat. 
Instead, I'm restricted to pick up my toddler, taken off of work for a week and told to lay low.
Instead, I'm exhausted and walking around in a fog, in confusion, in denial, in hurt and pain.
Instead, I go to my first college class in 6 years, praying that I can make it through the next four hours without wanting to just lay down and cry. The ONLY way I got through those hours was by God's loving hand. The ONLY way.
My poor sweet girl is still sick and is horribly confused. She stayed with two sets of grandparents on two different nights after my surgery and then had Daddy home when he should have been at work. We still took her to daycare, but that was a mess - poor girl just sobbed and had new caregivers in her room. She looks so forlorn and disoriented when we drop her off. They assure us that she's fine by the time we pull out of the driveway, but it still breaks my heart.  Anyone that comes to the house is currently viewed as a threat that may take her away, so she immediately holds on/hugs tighter and runs to hide. It breaks my heart.

I don't know what else to say other than I'm mad, I'm scared, I'm overwhelmed.
I'm so sorry that my body failed again.
I couldn't give my husband another baby, nor could I make my daughter a big sister.

My heart hurts.

Our hearts are...

breaking.

We went in to our 10 week appointment, expecting to hear our baby's heartbeat again.

After two ultrasounds and an exam, it was determined that our sweet baby passed away at 7 weeks 6 days, just 4 days after I first heard the heartbeat.  My body has yet to miscarry, so I will be going in tomorrow for yet another D&C.

Our lives are forever altered, forever changed.

I'm not sure how many more times I can do this.

We just wanted one more baby - is that too much to ask?!?

Giveaway and sick toddler

So, it has begun.
Moira was in daycare for 3 days, folks. 3.  1, 2, 3.
She came home early on Thursday because she wasn't feeling well and by Thursday night, running 103 fever. Doctor's appointment on Friday showed no infection but a very nasty head-strong cold. Doctor told us she should be better by Sunday, along with no fever. Call back on Monday if not any better.
Friday night until last night included little sleep for all 3 of us, vomiting, high fevers, severe congestion, gagging, refusal to eat or drink, mopey/over-tired/clingy/not-sure-what-she-wants toddler.
Woke up this morning to her struggling to breathe/wheezing because of her congestion, and immediately called the doctor.
After trying to collect urine (repeat of her ER visit back in March) and pleading to drink Pedialyte, the doctor came back (the nurse and I did all of the above), and discovered she has a nasty, nasty right ear infection.
Of course.
Poor girl is miserable and our hearts are breaking.
I was feeling low when I got on FB while she's napping until I saw that Eye Candy Details 1st Birthday Party, Guest Blogger and Giveaway was happening. Today. Right now. I could potentially win a GC to the talented Edible Details (GO. CHECK. HER. OUT!) shop for some amazing fondant wonderfulness. Seriously. It would make M's party in January that I'm planning now so that I don't freak out then, only I'm freaking out now...simply amazing. Yes, indeedy.
Oh why yes, I DID enter. With every chance I can :)

Here's hoping to healthier toddler and a win. I could use one today.

Winner, winner, chicken dinnner deja vu!

Okay, so evidently I'm sort-of-kinda-little-bit lucky/good at winning these online giveaways.

I just won a pair of shoes from Monkey Toe Shoes from their giveaway on FB. Moira looked at the pictures and decided to get the frog ones. No joke - she kept pointing and signing and saying "frog".   Amber Y, they have monkey ones :)

And speaking of the lovely Mrs. Amber, I just won HER giveaway from the My Memories Digital Scrapbooking folks. Oh, love. Oh, drool. *SQUEE* Thanks again, Amber, for that lovely opportunity. Maybe this will get my butt in gear to actually do something with all these photos!