I haven't posted since our miscarriage - our lives are extremely busy and I just didn't have the "umph" to do it.
Since losing the baby, we have had numerous tests done with nothing coming back as anything but normal. We're disappointed but encouraged that we don't have anything glaring wrong with us. And we know my body can carry a baby, as I have a toddler that is currently enamored with Caillou, Elmo and all things Dora and Diego running around my house :)
Our next step is currently just prayer and the unknown. We have decided to take some time off of testing and all that jazz, as we are both back in college and working hard.
Speaking of college, Caleb and I both finished our first quarters with 4.0 in each of our classes :) We both worked very hard, learned some lessons about going back to school while working and parents but we enjoyed our professors and classes. It feels great to be back in school, achieving goals and trying to keep my teaching certificate! I've met some great new people and am just loving it! Caleb's schooling is helping him move up in his job and finally achieving the college degree of programmer that he really wants!
We both start up again in 2 weeks and are about as ready as we can be. Once again, we will have to have rotating grandparents on duty one night a week, but I think that both the grandparents and Moira enjoy it as much as we do! She gets a few hours of uninterrupted grandparent time, dinner (and often times, choco milk!) with them and just all around fun. We get 4 hours of class (not always fun) but we know she is in good hands :)
Work is going well - Caleb was promoted right after we started college again and is now Programmer Analyst for the team. He would eventually like to be Programmer but needs some more schooling in order to achieve that title. It's a big motivator in doing well and getting his degree!
I'm still teaching part-time at a local school with the after-school program. This year has been challenging, as a few of my kindergarten students are very low...they struggle with simple concepts and tasks and could probably have great benefit in attending a preschool but since preschool is not required.... It is fun though, and I really enjoy working with the kids. We made gak the week of Christmas break ( a great find on Pinterest) and the kids had a BLAST! Some of the parents got irritated with the mess we were making when they came to pick up their kids. I personally enjoy making the mess with the kids and we always clean up! My current college plan is also to help my job - in order for me to keep my teaching certificate, I have to have 18 credit hours. My certificate expires in June of 2012, so I need to push through getting my hours in before then!
Moira is going to be 2 in a few weeks - I still cannot believe it! She's a walking, running, signing, laughing, coloring toddler who LOVES Dora and Diego, as well as Caillou and Elmo. She enjoys crafts, coloring and hates to be messy. Go figure. She's speaking in full sentences a lot and it is great to see her personality just shine through! She is stubborn often times (there is a great debate as to which parent this trait comes from!), especially if she's tired. We notice massive meltodwns, temper tantrums and whiney toddler moments when she's overstimulated/overtired, so we're making every effort to make sure she's getting her necessary sleep. I know this seems like general knowledge, but up until a few months ago, this kid could/would sleep anywhere with just about anything going on. Not so much now.
Her party is planned for her birthday and we're going to do a simple fun penguin themed soiree. Cupcakes and hot chocolate bar will be the menu, I think. Her party is just a few weeks after classes start and I really don't know that I can handle anything huge. Some balloons, a few decorations. Nothing big.
Well, I have been offered a lovely lunch of hot dogs, hamburgers, yogurt, baby's bottle and oatmeal from Moira's Diner, so I must go!
I want to make every effort to try to post something each day in 2012 - something about the day or what we are thankful for. Not exactly sure yet but I'm going to try!
Showing posts with label baby 5. Show all posts
Showing posts with label baby 5. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Tears and Tylenol 3 with codine.
This wasn't supposed to happen again.
I'm not supposed to be recovering from another miscarriage, another D&C, another loss again.
I'm supposed to be pregnant, supposed to be horribly sick for a reason.
Instead, I'm sick from pain medications, antibiotics and lack of wanting to eat.
Instead, I'm restricted to pick up my toddler, taken off of work for a week and told to lay low.
Instead, I'm exhausted and walking around in a fog, in confusion, in denial, in hurt and pain.
Instead, I go to my first college class in 6 years, praying that I can make it through the next four hours without wanting to just lay down and cry. The ONLY way I got through those hours was by God's loving hand. The ONLY way.
My poor sweet girl is still sick and is horribly confused. She stayed with two sets of grandparents on two different nights after my surgery and then had Daddy home when he should have been at work. We still took her to daycare, but that was a mess - poor girl just sobbed and had new caregivers in her room. She looks so forlorn and disoriented when we drop her off. They assure us that she's fine by the time we pull out of the driveway, but it still breaks my heart. Anyone that comes to the house is currently viewed as a threat that may take her away, so she immediately holds on/hugs tighter and runs to hide. It breaks my heart.
I don't know what else to say other than I'm mad, I'm scared, I'm overwhelmed.
I'm so sorry that my body failed again.
I couldn't give my husband another baby, nor could I make my daughter a big sister.
My heart hurts.
I'm not supposed to be recovering from another miscarriage, another D&C, another loss again.
I'm supposed to be pregnant, supposed to be horribly sick for a reason.
Instead, I'm sick from pain medications, antibiotics and lack of wanting to eat.
Instead, I'm restricted to pick up my toddler, taken off of work for a week and told to lay low.
Instead, I'm exhausted and walking around in a fog, in confusion, in denial, in hurt and pain.
Instead, I go to my first college class in 6 years, praying that I can make it through the next four hours without wanting to just lay down and cry. The ONLY way I got through those hours was by God's loving hand. The ONLY way.
My poor sweet girl is still sick and is horribly confused. She stayed with two sets of grandparents on two different nights after my surgery and then had Daddy home when he should have been at work. We still took her to daycare, but that was a mess - poor girl just sobbed and had new caregivers in her room. She looks so forlorn and disoriented when we drop her off. They assure us that she's fine by the time we pull out of the driveway, but it still breaks my heart. Anyone that comes to the house is currently viewed as a threat that may take her away, so she immediately holds on/hugs tighter and runs to hide. It breaks my heart.
I don't know what else to say other than I'm mad, I'm scared, I'm overwhelmed.
I'm so sorry that my body failed again.
I couldn't give my husband another baby, nor could I make my daughter a big sister.
My heart hurts.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Our hearts are...
breaking.
We went in to our 10 week appointment, expecting to hear our baby's heartbeat again.
After two ultrasounds and an exam, it was determined that our sweet baby passed away at 7 weeks 6 days, just 4 days after I first heard the heartbeat. My body has yet to miscarry, so I will be going in tomorrow for yet another D&C.
Our lives are forever altered, forever changed.
I'm not sure how many more times I can do this.
We just wanted one more baby - is that too much to ask?!?
We went in to our 10 week appointment, expecting to hear our baby's heartbeat again.
After two ultrasounds and an exam, it was determined that our sweet baby passed away at 7 weeks 6 days, just 4 days after I first heard the heartbeat. My body has yet to miscarry, so I will be going in tomorrow for yet another D&C.
Our lives are forever altered, forever changed.
I'm not sure how many more times I can do this.
We just wanted one more baby - is that too much to ask?!?
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