Life has been crazy around here lately.
- My Pre-School graduated last Thursday and I bit my lip so hard (in attempts not to sob) that I bled. I am so proud of them and am going to miss them immensely. Seriously - they are a spectacular group of kids and I can't wait to see them as they grow up!

-We got news back from a high-head-honcho from our home warranty group in regards to our roof and electrical work..... they don't cover pre-existing ill-installed issues or flat roofs...both of which apply to our two leaking areas. SO, we are now going to have to look in getting yet another loan, this time a home loan. It is extremely unhealthy for us to have nasty wet wood and insulation exposed to our living space. And they are sending a new company (from GR) to look at our electrical work. We do need to call the home warranty company and triple-check that we will not have to pay another 50 dollar deductible in order to have this third company come and check things out.

- I haven't been feeling well lately - we're thinking it's due to stress....I've had a hard time sleeping at night and not feeling hungry. Today, though, we re-discovered that we had purchased some chocolate with peanut butter swirl ice cream (my absolute favorite type of "hard" ice cream) and for once, it's something that sounds good. Not the healthiest snack in the world but it tastes good.

-I'm teaching swim classes for the next two weeks (and last week, too) for a local university. It's been more draining on me than I remember it do be. I'm having to plan things out in more detail....lesson plans, if you will. My struggle is that I have 3 kids in the first session (in a class of 14) that are border-line ready for the next level. We have already moved one up and I was told on Friday that another was being moved up on Monday. The third child decided he was okay to move up next year and is comfortable in our class. This week, I add two more classes on in the morning, and I'm hoping they will go just as smoothly as last week's session.

-My mom is having her other knee replaced on June 29th -two years to the DAY of when she had her first knee replacement. I wasn't around much for the first knee replacement, as we had just discovered that I had lost our first baby. This time, though, I will be around to help once she gets home. In addition to this, we just found out that my dad has a bone spur inbetween his 6th and 7th (if I remember right) verterbrae and has to have immediate surgery. We're praying feverishly that God will bless us with a different surgery date other than the same week as mom's!

-Not a whole lot else going on - I've been lazy all weekend, fighting migraines and just all around yucky-ness. Yesterday, my lovely sisters and husband came with me to pack up the rest of my classroom and moved all of my stuff out. We came back here, unloaded, order a ton of pizza and watched TV. Caleb and I napped after the girls left and just laid around the rest of the night. Today has been much of the same - he's working on the laundry, I've been sleeping off and on due to a nasty migraine. I need to work on swimming lesson plans, checklist for swimming and finish up my preschoolers last assessments. :)

Yay for lazy weekends!

Poem

For those of you who read this (is there anyone?!), I apologize for not posting in over a month. Work has been slowly and consistently gaining speed as we gear for the last two weeks of school and PreSchool graduation. I have done this for the past two years; however, both of those years I worked with another teacher. I didn't realize until late that she was an amazing person and a God-send (no joke). I have cried more in the last month than I have more year due to the added pressure of end-of-year and graduation stuff.

We have decided to switch to a different OB - the one that we initially weren't sure about. He seems to be much more attentive/aggressive in concerns of our case and has promised that when we do get pregnant again, he will do everything he can (read: weekly appointments and bloodworks and frequent ultrasounds) to help us and our baby and to keep everyone on top of everything.

I've been extremely tired lately due to late night bedtimes and early morning wake up times for school but I wanted to post this poem I found on Kelly's blog around Mother's Day. She has since taken it down from her blog, but I believe she has posted in on another one of her blogs that she moderates. Please understand that I post these words with the pain and heartache of losing three babies and the pain that this has caused my husband, family and friends. I also mean these words with an overfull heart of love and concern for my children.

I have longed and waited.
I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.

I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep,
explore,
and discover.
I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold, and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream.
My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child.

Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend, and sister because I have known pain.

I know disillusionment, as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell that many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.

I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.
I listen.
And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely.

I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth when life is beyond hard.

I have learned a compassion that only comes by walking in those shoes. I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes, I will be a wonderful mother.

Mindless banter...

We had the roofers come out today - in the end, the roof is still leaking and we now have a medium sized hole in our ceiling. A call will be going out tomorrow to the Home Warranty people. I am NOT AT ALL impressed with American Home Shield home warranty company. Now, because of the medium-sized hole, I feel like we've got a window open somewhere. I think we're going to have to shove towels up there or something.

Ugh.

I went and had my two hour glucose test done today - not nearly as bad as I had anticipated. I was given the choice of flavors and ended up with lemon-lime. The lab tech told me that it tasted a lot like flat Sierra Mist/Sprite and was *hopefully* less likely to make me puke. It did taste a lot like flat "white" pop (something that my parents gave us when we had stomach aches as children) and wasn't all that bad. I felt okay during the two hours, and had my blood drawn again without incident. Only when I got home and ate lunch from yummy Lenny's did I start to feel yuck-o. Felt off since about 2pm...just ate some french toast and sausage. Still not feeling fabulous but okay.

I had today off, as well as tomorrow. Caleb took these two days off as well so that we can spend time together. Today? We didn't wake up until nearly 10 (well, we got up at 7:30 to let Miss FancyPants out but both fell back asleep promptly) and I went up the hospital at 11 - didn't get home until after 2pm. Since then, I have literally stayed on the couch until about 8. I don't have any energy and am content where I'm at. So is Caleb :) We are going to head out to Wal-Mart in a bit to grab a few things and return a container of cream cheese that we purchased the other day...it was open and NASTY.

I wish I had the energy to write more, express more of what's going on in my head and in our lives....but I don't.

I'm going to work on PreSchool graduation ideas tonight and tomorrow and just relax.

:)

Snow day!

It's 8 am...I'm at home, sitting with a cup of orange juice, Cream of Wheat and watching the news.

Sick day? Nope.


SNOW DAY!!!

We got, according to one of the local news stations, nearly 7 inches with another 2 inches possible. It's cold, windy and really soppy snow -great for snowballs! I didn't get the call until nearly 15 minutes after 6 - the woman who is before me on the snow tree lost my house number. Then, she called who she THOUGHT was the person after me...only, it was the wrong person. Thankfully, the person who IS after me is the sister of our director, so she knew at about 5:15 this morning.

On my list today: relax. finish up the kids' assessment files, maybe wash dishes and just chill.

I'm excited!

long, sorted and confusing.

Our roof is leaking.
Again.
For the third time since the roofers first came out to look at it.
RIDICULOUS~

When we bought this house a year ago (crazy!), we had a home warranty that was paid for by the lender. It covers basic things, such as roofing and doesn't cover other basic things (such as plaster/lathe/wood damages caused by leak in the roof. They don't cover secondary damages - just the ones done by the contractors).
Our roof near the bathroom has been leaking since we had the great melt of large amounts of snow a few months (!) ago...February, maybe? We went online on March 1 (merely 4 days before our warranty was up) and put in two contract service requests - one for the roof and one for electrical things and broken garage door openers.

THE ROOF:
They sent a company from INDIANA to look at the roof. They came, knocked a few nails back in and put some sealant around it. It rained two days later and it leaked some more. We called the roofing company back, they came back out and attempted to fix the leak. They called us (we were both at the chiropractor's office and couldn't get home in time to meet the guys) and told us that the roof was fixed and that they would have to wait to test it because we weren't home to approve it. Fine.
That was two weeks ago...it has rained since then and it didn't leak. PRAISE GOD!

Until sometime late last night/early this morning. This is when I thanked God for not letting the roof cave in but being more than slightly upset that my floor was soaked.

It's been raining since about 10pm last night. We were just heading to bed around 12:30 when the power went out. We heard a loud pop and the power was gone. Caleb got up and went to get his cell - he went downstairs and didn't say anything about the roof leaking. We both eventually fell asleep, only to wake up at 5:30 with no power. We drifted in and out of sleep until the power came back on at 6:30. I ran downstairs because I had to use the bathroom. Badly. I step right into the small room where the leak is (a small entry-way type area outside of our downstairs bathroom) and hear water dripping. In my still groggy state of mind, I think, "Oh great, the cat is peeing/vomiting on the floor..." I flipped the switch on the light only to find that the roof is leaking. Leaking hard and worse than before. My carpet is now soaked and I'm mad.

So, I will be calling the roofing company again today, as well as the Home Warranty Company to complain.

ELECTRICAL WORK:
This, in addition to the electrical work. Long story shortened (I have to clean house and get dressed before my doctor's appointment - another story. another day):

We had put in the service request on March 1. We got a confirmation email stating that the contractor (a well known and large electrical company in the area) would be contacting us.
Two weeks went by with no noise from them, so we call the Home Warranty, who called the electrical company. They never received the service request. The request is re-submitted but the contractor never does call us, so we get the request canceled (after receiving an online survey about their service!) and a new one is sent out. The home warranty people call the company and we do a three-way conference call, in which the guy tells me that he will be there the following day to look at the garage door and electrical work in the house. He ends up coming later that afternoon (two days ago?) and takes one look at the garage and says, "Oh yeah, that's an easy fix. Just some new gears and you're good". Nice! He then looks at the work in the house and he says, "Um..this is really out of my realm. I CAN do it, but you'd be better off with an electrician" I thanked him and made a note to call the warranty people the following day.

Now we come to Wednesday. The guy returns and immediately starts to work on the garage, fixing it so that it works without using a stick through a broken window (don't ask) or doing it manually AND he got us two working remotes. Sweet, no?
While he's working, Caleb is home for lunch and reminds me to call the home warranty place. So I do. And the guy on the phone is not a happy man. He gets very annoyed and upset when I relay the information about the garage door guy not being able/feel comfortable doing the electrical work. Told the warranty guy AND the garage door guy that I am thankful that the garage door guy was honest and up front with this - I don't want this man hurting himself, us or the house trying to do something he's not comfortable with. The warranty guy is mad and tells me that he's going to call the garage door guy - puts me on hold to do so. Returns to tell me no answer - to which I told him that the guy is outside in my garage, WORKING. The home warranty man then demands to talk to him. OH NO- I am NOT the middle man here. I told the warranty man that the garage man is working, busy and he needs to be contacted at.his.place.of.business.
Warranty man agrees reluctantly, tells me they'll send someone new out for the in-house electrical work and hangs up. NOT IMPRESSED.
Upon paying the man, we thanked him and he tells us that this particular home warranty company is a royal pain to deal with.
Our Realtor just told me the same thing the other day.

Wonderful.


If you've read this far, you're spectacular and you should win a prize...not sure what - I have some stale Peeps from Christmas... I don't really expect anyone to read this - a) it's super long and I'm doing it more for documentation purposes than anything else and b) I haven't posted in FOREVER and it was bound to happen.

I apologize for the length of the post. Maybe my other posts won't be nearly as long.

You're hoping, right?

Not impressed

The house is quiet-ish. The dog is drugged on her anti-anxiety medicine, David Crowder*Band is playing "All I Can Say" on my computer and the cat is running around like she's on crack, tearing through the living room and attempting to chew on my basket that has all of our blankets int it.....

We switched OB's for a minute last week. I say a minute because I'm not too sure we will stick with this new guy. The whole reason we switched was because our first OB was too laid-back. Too "well this is the way it is - either do genetic testing or keeping trying". I don't need that - I need someone who will be pro-active in my care and on my case. I want someone who will exhaust all possibilites before telling us there is no hope and to just keep trying. I did, however, LOVE his bed-side manner and patience. He sat with us with each miscarriage, offered tissues, time and a room to just sit and cry. He sat with me while I called my husband to tell him I was in the middle of miscarrying and made sure that I was well enough to drive home. He is a very caring man and a spectacular doctor for a normal woman with a normal pregnancy.
Um...I have NEVER been normal. Ever. Can we say premature birth? Hep C? TB? Miscarriages? Yep.

So, we asked around and heard fantastic things about this new OB, Dr. M. One of the girls I talked to said he was fantastic and there wasn't anything bad about him that she could think of. We went, we talked, I was examined and we're really back at where we last left.
Dr. M was quick talking, concerned and asked many questions that I had JUST answered on my chart/paperwork that I had filled out. What's the point of filling those out if you're just going to ask me the same thing over again?
I was all game with this guy until he did his exam. Yet another internal exam.... He was very quick about it and honestly, it hurt. A lot. After he was done (a nurse and Caleb had both been in the room. This was fine and greatly appreciated.), he sat me up/I scooched myself up and while I am still half naked with a paper towel on my lap, he starts talking about what he wants to do. At this point, I am uncomfortable. Both physcially and emotionally.
****Had Caleb not been in the room, I seriously would have thrown a stink. I didn't say anything then because I was in somewhat of a shock. With our other OB, whenver he does an exam, he is extremely gentle, soft spoken and always tells me what/where he is going to do/touch before he does it. And not in a creepy way - in a "I care about my patients privacy and dignity" kind of way. And whenever I have had an internal exam done, my other OB asks me to get dressed and then we meet in his office to talk. Maybe I was spoiled by him...*******
So, we talk about our options. He orders more blood tests (this will bring the total vials of blood drawn in the last month to 10) to check my thyroid, Lupus (both of which were tested in the 6 vials of blood my family doctor took three weeks ago and he HAD a copy of those tests) and something else. He wants us to check with our insurance to see if they'll cover a procedure where I will have dye inserted into my uterus to see if there are any blockages. He also discussed progesterone treatment (something he doesn't think really helps) and the possibility that my Hepatitis C treatment could have caused fertility issues (both he and my infectious disease specialist say that there have not been enouch research/follow-ups on women my age after treatment...it doesn't seem to be a pressing issue to the makers of the drugs). I am going to get online and see who I can contact from the companies that provided my medications...right after I find the list of medications I was on -
I think:
Nupogen
Pegasys Interferon injections
Ribavrin pills
Procrit
Ambien
Prozac
several antibiotics
I'm most concerned about the actual treatment. What if that is what is causing all of this?
I want to check to see if the insurance will cover a hysteroscopy (laproscopy for your uterus). With both D&Cs, my other OB said that everything looked well and healthy. I would hope that he would have said something if it didn't...and I'm pretty sure he would. Our family medical doctor recommended a hysteroscopy, so we'll have to see. She can't do it - an OB has to. Ugh.

So, we go back to Dr. M for analysis over the tests at the end of April. If these come back negative, we will probably forgo the procedures. I may contact the other OB and see if he thinks they're necessary and see if he'll do them. Our thought right now is that we get these tests done (and maybe the procedures) and just keep trying. We are limited by finances as to who we can see because of our insurance. Our insurance will only cover certain doctors within a certain "tier". If the doctor does not belong to/work at the local health system, then we pay a lot more out in copays, deductibles and more per procedure because they are not in our "tier".
We just can't afford it. It makes me cry and frustrated all at the same time.

I have been having a lot of problem with losing feeling in my feet and hands, especially when I'm sitting or on my feet for a long time. My toes will go numb and get extremely cold -to the point that they hurt. Usually, my feet are not warm and neither are my hands. I've always had cold fingers and tootsies. But within the last month or so, they have really started to bother me.

And I think, "What else?".....



In other news,
I am working on Pre-School graduation and I need a theme. Last year we had a "Swimming through the Years'" with an ocean theme as our background and gym decorations.
Any ideas?

My sister in law is due in three weeks...we were due in 7 weeks.....

I have had my own unique Target/Target.com/UPS experience and will share about THAT soon.


I need to go shower and head to the laundromat to wash our comforter. A certain dog may have peed on it.

I am meeting some co-workers for lunch, so I need to get some things done around here and pick up the house. One of my college friends is coming over from Grand Rapids to spend a few days with us. I haven't seen her since she graduated and I'm sure I'll cry. I forget how much these women mean to me (a horrible thing, I know) until times like this. I can't wait to see her! We are going to IKEA so that I can experience it. I'm super excited.

Dishes are piling up, so I must tackle those today or tomorrow. Caleb is trying to be an amazing husband and fix our doorknobs on the bedroom and bathroom; however, our old house is proving more crafty than we realized. Right now, the bedroom door has an old knob on it - we either have to find some wood to shimmy it up or buy a new door :( The bathroom door doesn't have a knob on it at all - that will be fixed tonight, I hope.
I'm off to finish painting with pudding and make a few craft projects to show the kids when I get back on Monday, and then to tackle the house. Shower, lunch out and the laundromat before coming back here and doing more stuff ;)

And who knows, maybe another post or two?

Still alive

It's been a long time - my computer d.i.e.d. We had to wait until we got our tax returns before we bought a new one. The new computer came SUPER quick - nearly 4 weeks before the estimated delivery date. Niiiice!

I have so many things to write and yet, my body is screaming to go to sleep. I have a lot of school work yet to do and look! Only four days until Spring Break is over...sigh. The good news is that we only have a three day week next week and then we're off for two more days. I really need to get my tush in gear for graduation. Tomorrow is cleaning and preparing for one of my good college friends to visit. A trip to IKEA is planned for Saturday. More cleaning/laundry on Saturday and Sunday. Dishes and school work will be placed in when I can.

Hopefully I'll be more awake tomorrow morning and I'll post some more. I have to run to the Laundromat to wash our blankets (We think Ebony may have peed on our comforter...) and then meeting a friend for lunch. But then it's back here to sweep, mop and clean like mad. Friday I'll work on graduation/school work until E arrives!

Post tomorrow...hopefully!