We went for our second heartbeat check yesterday and my doctor couldn't find it with the doppler.

"Please don't panic. Your uterus is tilted and everything will be fine"

We went today for an ultrasound and it wasn't fine.

Our baby died sometime between 8 and 9 weeks. Once again, my body tricked me into thinking that I was still pregnant as of yesterday at 13 weeks.

I go for an emergency-type D&C tomorrow morning because if I go through this by myself, it would be extremely painful and excruiatingly messy.

I've done nothing but cry since 11:30 today.

God, help me. Help us.

Halloween and tapeworms

Seal has tapeworms. Piper may have them too.

We go for a second heartbeat check next week - I'll be 12 weeks.

My stomach is getting bigger and firmer - I officially have a baby pooch. Not a belly yet but more than just "I ate too much".

My job stresses me out. I cry. A lot.

My mom and dad are still unemployed. That also makes me cry.

My hips are really messed up to begin with and now that I'm pregnant? Oh, the pain.

I didn't puke OR gag while brushing my teeth yesterday or today. I see that as a victory.

"Miss Amanda, can we listen to Buster the Ghost's song? I just LOVE Buster the Ghost!!"....for those of you who didn't get that: He was referring to "Ghostbusters" on my Halloween Songs for Kids CD.

I laughed so hard I cried!


Happy Halloween!

Quick life update

We are pregnant. Again. For the third time. We saw the baby last week, measuring 8 weeks and a beautiful heartbeat of 171.

My mom lost her job. So now both of my parents are unemployed.

I ate pizza tonight and am ready to puke.

I quit. Another day tomorrow.

Seal

I know, I know, it's been waaaay too long. Sorry - life gets busy around here when school starts.

I am teaching Pre-School and am loving it. It is DEFINITELY a change from Kindergarten, but I love my three and four-year-olds. They make me laugh, cry and grimace. When you tell a student to go wash the "astronaut pudding" off of their face and you find them with their ENTIRE head under the sink.....you can't help but laugh and then grimace as you think of what mom will say when her son tells her exactly how his shirt got soaked. Or more importantly, what the kid will tell mom - "Miss Amanda TOLD me...."

Caleb is overwhelmed at work but still enjoys what he does. I'm so proud of him and his extreme patience with all that goes on around him while he's doing his thing at Foote :)

We have a new cat! His name is Seal and he is part Himalayan. He's a Seal-point (his ears, most of his face, paws/lower legs and tail are all a seal-gray. The rest of him is a dark beige/brownish color) and adorable! He's been around our house for the past week and we finally...okay, I finally convinced Caleb that we needed a playmate for Piper.
Well, Piper would have to disagree. She's done nothing but hiss, growl and snarl at Seal over the past 24 hours that he's been roaming our house *he was here for 4 days prior, but had HORRIBLE fleas, so he had to be bathed and medicated and secluded*. Last night, as we let the cats roam for the night, I couldn't help but worry about bloodshed during the night. Granted, both are declawed....
This morning, however, we found Seal bugging the crap out of Piper and she only hisses at him when he gets REALLY close. I'm hoping that soon they will get along so that there is no more hissing and growling. Seal, does however, love love love love love love love his new buddy Ebony. He loves (did I mention he loves her?) to go up, snuggle up against her and purr :)
Not much else - praying for some very dear friends of ours that have had some disconcerning news brought to them recently.
If you can think about it, pray for us. I can't be more specific until we know some more details but please, pray for our peace, strength and continued love for each other. Oh yeah, and laughter. I need to laugh some more :)

Lots of new things

Let's see - there have been a few new things that have been going on around here, so I'm going to do them in high quality bullet fashion because it's my blog and I can :)

• My husband's younger brother got married two weeks ago and it was a blast! We traveled about 2 hours away to the town where his wife was raised. They had a gorgeous ceremony and a fantastic reception. We were able to see some of Caleb's family, including his grandparents and great-aunt and uncle. This may not seem like a big feat; however, Caleb's father is one of 11 children. That's 11 aunts/uncles plus spouses, children, THEIR spouses and children....it's a lot of Scotts! The first time I ever met Caleb's extended family (his immediate family is good sized, too! 2 brothers, each with a wife and one has 3 children, a younger sister and parents!), it was Thanksgiving 2006 and they were having it at the local Boy Scout's hall because it was the biggest area that we could all fit in. At his grandfather's birthday celebration last week, there was 75 + of us and that wasn't everyone! We counted once, and came up with nearly 100 people...

• At said wedding, my 2-almost 3 year old nephew found my camera absolutely fascinating. He was taking pictures all over the place at the reception and wedding. He was trying to take a picture of Grandma and Bumpa (Grandpa) Scott...instead, he got lovely side view of my chest. Oh yes, it's hilarious. Oh no, it won't be posted :) My sister-in-law (his mom) and my other sister-in-law's boyfriend couldn't stop laughing. It was rather humorous.

• I posted about Ebony's haircut...or at least, I tried. But blogger ate it. Hardcore, complete with burps. Riiiight, but that's how I imagined it. And hey, I have a good imagination. Anyway, Ebony got a haircut. Twice in two days. The first time, the lady cut her hair much shorter than I had anticipated. (Thank goodness it's summer and hot!) It wasn't that her haircut was bad, just very short. Ebony is a flat-coated retriever and has extremely long hair, similiar to a golden retriever. So she has the long hair *feathering* on her legs and tail.
  Or at least she did.
  After her first hair cut, she resembled a black lab - VERY short hair. Except for her tail. Her tail still had the feathering and she looked.....ridiculous.

• So I took her back the next day and asked the woman if she could please shave her tail, too. The lady looked at Ebony and said, "You want her to have a rat tail?" Yes, please. At least her entire body will have short hair! That was almost a month and a half ago, so it's starting to grow out but I'm pretty sure that the dogs we met on our nightly walks snickered at her as we sauntered by. I didn't mean to give her a complex!

• Piper and Ebony have been worn out by many-a-small-child over the past few weeks. Two weeks ago, one of my former students and her younger sister came over and spent the night at "Miss Amanda and Mr. Caleb's" house. Their parents just got divorced about 6 months ago and I feel like sometimes the mom (with whom I've become very close to) and the girls just need some fun, alone time. So, the girls came here and mom got to relax. Ebony and Piper, however, did not get to relax. The girls, L and I, were insistent upon continually throwing Ebony's toys to her and playing with the laser pointer. They were all exhausted and slept well the first night :)

• This past weekend, my best friend Emily and her family came to visit. Emily and her husband, Matt came with their two children, Grace and Elijah *Eli*. Eli LOVED the dog and cat and crawled his fastest to get to them to squeal in their faces and make a break for trying to get a fistful of hair before an adult could stop it. He was in heaven! And I have to say that the furry ones did an AMAZING job with a baby in the house (He just turned 1). He was also enamored with the fish.

• His 2-almost 3 year old sister was NOT in heaven when it came to the dog. She screamed bloody murder and literally jumped into the arms of whomever was closest to her when the dog started to trot towards her. She was constantly looking around to see where Ebbie was and how much distance was between her and the dog. IF the dog was blocked off (either by a baby gate or if the dog was in her kennel), then she was okay. She would gingerly put a finger or two to pet the dog on the head and then quickly retract her arm. The "TITTY TAT" however, was a hit. Grace was constantly chasing Piper around, playing with her and only got upset once when Piper batted at her (with her no-claws front paw) because Grace petted her stomach (Piper will NOT stand for ANYONE to touch her fatty belly!).

• Other than the animals and kids, the day went well. Matt's dad and brothers own a deck care business in Holland, MI, so Matt offered to bring his power washer to clean off our deck. It looks amazing now and we hope that we can afford to sandpaper it and stain it -maybe this weekend!
  

• This is how Ebony and Piper relaxed after two weekends filled with kids:

• On the job front: I am going to be teaching Pre-School at the daycare where I taught Kindergarten for the last two years. I am also going to find out if I can go back to school to get my Early Childhood Endorsement and look at my options for my masters. I did have an interview for a "real" teaching job at a local Catholic elementary school but I didn't get it. So after some quick praying, crying and thinking, I decided to go back to the daycare. I considered just subbing; however, the pay isn't guaranteed and right now, that's something that we can't have.
  

I think that's it :) We have been busy busy and it will only get busier over the next week. I have 4 days to get in to my room and get it ready for my kids. I'm going over tomorrow to see if I can get a class list so I can get some things done. Today? Doing dishes, calling the places I was going to sub at, call the former pre-school teacher to see if we can meet and a few other things.

Happy Monday!

Fish and dogs

I tried to do a *huge* post about Ebony's new hair-do but blogger ate it.

I'll try again another day.

In other animal news, Ebony and Piper both went to the vet and are doing well. Ebony got her second Lymes booster and Piper had her weigh-in. Piper, back in January, was obese. A chunky-monkey (her new nickname)10.9 pound not-quite-year-old kitten! We switched her to indoor adult formula, which has helped a lot. She's now at 9.3 and could stand to loose another pound. We're trying to exercise her with a laser pointer, which she LOVES!! So does Ebony and provides entertainment for us as well. There was a mass amount of owners and animals at check-out and I just realized that I never got the information as to when Eb is supposed to go back for her last shot in the Lymes booster series...Hrm....

Our tadpole, Clyde, is still a tadpole; however his face/head region is starting to look thinner and pointy, which is what Bonnie's face did. We'll have to see. One-eyed Melvin is now "No-Eyed Melvin". My sister was over for dinner the other night and was mentioning how Melvin eats better/looks for food better than Howie the Owie and Melvin has (had) only 1 eye. As we are talking and whatnot, this is what transpired:

Me: Melvin has Sirius to help him forage for food but even still..Howie is just wimpy.
S: Melvin does so much better with only one eye!
*As she is saying this, she went over to the tank to look*
S: Amanda, Melvin's eye is gone!
Me: What?!
S: Yeah, there's nothing there.

True enough, Melvin's eye is gone and he's now No-Eyed Melvin. We're not sure if he is blind or not; he comes up to the surface when I turn on the light to feed and sucks up rocks to find food...

We've got quite the crew!

Death and Life

God has been trying to show me something lately, but I'm not sure what exactly.

Yesterday, I found out that a college acquaintance lost her husband to a nasty (but reverently fought) battle with pneumonia and complications from that. He was, I believe, the same age as us. They have a little guy, Andersen who was born in December and just lost his daddy. I know that his mommy will do everything in her power to make sure that he knows who his dad was and what a strong man he was, fighting to stay alive.

"Not feeling his heartbeat under my head is the worst pain I have ever felt"
I can't even begin to imagine the pain and anguish she and the families are feelings

Why, Lord, must You take away? Alan was such a great man, loving husband and father. Why did you have take the babies away from us and all the other families that have had to trudge through the pain and heart-wrenching feeling of losing your child?

Then He does an amazing act of love and gives Alaina, Colby and Breslin (and family and friends) a new and wonderful healthy baby girl, Dhalia.

I'm so incredibly happy for the Sharp family but in the back of my mind, I think,

: why not us?:

Is that greedy or unloving to think that? I don't know but I know that my husband and I are aching for a baby. And answers as to why we lost the first two pregnancies. We did everything right, followed doctor's orders, only to hear, "I'm sorry, but the baby didn't make it".

Ijust.don't.get.it.