3 years and counting

This was taken at the rehersal and I was starting to breakdown/totally lose it.
And I was starving. Never a good combination.

OCTOBER 14, 2006

Three years ago today, I got up at 5 am to get my hair, nails, pedicure and make-up done...professionally.

Three years ago today, I let go of worrying about anyone else and tried desperately to focus on me...it was hard. But I did it :)

Three years ago, I got dressed in front of a woman I hardly knew and needed help getting my underskirt, shoes and jewelry on. It was humbling and slightly frustrating.

Three years ago, I was nervous about what my flowers looked like. And what they smelled like. :)

Three years ago, I needed help going to the bathroom because of the insane amounts of fabric.

Three years ago, I walked through the same wooden doors at Queen's that I had walked through so many times before.
Three years ago, I became Mrs. Scott, joining the ranks of so many others. *The kids I subbed for yesterday called me, "Mrs. Scott" and it felt so weird to hear that!)

Three years ago, I prayed (and may-have slightly threatened my new spouse that if he got cake on me, he would have serious consequences) that Caleb would be nice with the oh-so-yummy cake.

Three years ago on October 14, 2006.....

Three years ago, I married my best friend, my snuggly husband who is soon-to-be-a dad :)

And three years ago, my cousin (or my uncle, I can't remember) got this AWESOME shot of my sisters and sister-in-law...
oh the captions we've come up for this one...

It's Fall!

I love Fall (or Autumn, which by the way, is a hard word for Pre-Schoolers to pronounce but they try their hardest to do it so they can impress their families! The kids loved doing it though!)

I love cider, apples (especially of the caramel variety...the deluxe kinds are even better!), warm doughnuts, changing leaves, pumpkins and all things Fall.

Like dressing up my animals for Halloween. Although we've stopped because it doesn't usually go over too well....at least, it doesn't usually go too well for Piper.
2007 - as a pumpkin. She refused to move ANYWHERE with the costume on.
Thankfully for her, she's outgrown it and has been saved from the horror of wearing it again.

Ebony, on the other hand, is usually a good sport. It's just hard to find a costume that fits her just right. It's either waaay too small in the shoulders or it's so large it falls off.

2004 - in her "boyfriend's" costume as SuperDog

2004 - an angel with her "boyfriend" Cooper...also known as SuperDog

2006 - as a dragon...but the headpiece was so huge, she couldn't see!
So much for saving the princesses!

2005 - as a princess...she kept her eyes shut the entire time the tiara was on her head.

2007 - as a true princess, complete with shawl and pointy regal hat.
She tried to eat the shawl and hat, simultaneously.

Last year and this year, we opted out for costumes. We don't have the extra money and the animals have clearly shown us their dislike for the whole idea of putting something on them other than loves and snuggles. We may carve pumpkins again or we may not. We are still also undecided about handing out candy - we ran out last year and that was probably because I kept stealing it out of the bucket.
Instead we may just relax here at home. Right now, that sounds like a fantastic idea :) It's cool, the wind is really blowing and it just seems like a good day to stay in and relax.

But, I have laundry and dishes to do and vacuuming and hopefully putting up the fall/Halloween decorations.

Yay for Fall!

We are having a.... (edited to re-add pictures)

The baby's teeny-tiny foot
19 weeks, 4 days

Holy cow, the emotions that have been flowing around and through us over the past few days after having our ultrasound...you thought I was emotional BEFORE!

Hand, arm and ribcage
19 wks, 4 days

We had "THE" ultrasound on Wednesday, September 2 at our local hospital's health center (basically, it's a professional building with doctor's offices, fitness center, pharmacy, ultrasound and is all connected by a walkway to the hospital).

Up until now, we had always had our ultrasounds done at the Imaging Department in the main part of the hospital - I think, mostly, because all of them were emergency type. Our insurance also requires a 20% co-pay if we have the ultrasounds done in the OB's office, so we request in the hospital. We weren't exactly sure what to expect in the ultrasound office but were met with a very nice tech, Penny. She got our room set up and quickly got us back - we were also the only ones in there (that I could tell) so that was nice. The tech had asked us at the beginning of the ultrasound our past history with pregnancies (which we told her) and she was very empathetic and told us we had every reason to be nervous.Hand and arm again

I literally held my breath from the time I laid down on that oh-so-lovely paper covered table until we saw Sprout.

And then I cried a bit.

Baby's profile 19 wks 4 days

Sprout. is. beautiful

The tech kept saying how photogenic Sprout was because for what seemed like the longest time, the baby just laid down and didn't move a ton while the tech got profiles, and many, many measurements of the femur, head, space in the brain, abdomen, heart, heartbeats, spine, neck.... Throughout this, the tech is pointing out fun things like the babe's kidneys, bladder and the spine. It was SO crazy to be able to see all the bones - the tech did a frontal shot (looking at the baby straight on) and it seriously looked like a skeleton. Kinda freaked me out. But I just couldn't get over that we had a baby. A real, honest, breathing, moving, kicking, pursed-lipped baby. And it was ours :)

Baby with their legs up by their nose!

While we're doing all of this, Caleb was sitting in a chair to the left of me. He didn't say much because, as I was, I really think he was just in awe and taking it all in. I so wanted to hold his hand while we were doing this because I was so fearful that something would be wrong. And with good reason.


She also asked us if we wanted to know the gender of the baby if Sprout cooperated. We said yes, knowing from other people's stories that sometimes the baby doesn't want to cooperate and sometimes the ultrasound is wrong. But we held out hope :) The tech passed over the legs about three times before saying anything. I had to turn my head some but still wasn't entirely sure what I was seeing. The tech laughed and said that Sprout wasn't at ALL modest, as the baby's legs were WIDE OPEN and in perfect position to check the genitalia. She showed us three times, and told us that she usually looks herself at least three times before saying anything to the parents. She said she was very sure (although I guess she could still be wrong) that this was

a perfectly healthy baby.....

GIRL !
Our beautiful, healthy baby girl

We couldn't stop smiling :) I teared up a bit, only because I thought of our nephew. JR has two older sisters and a younger sister. When his younger sister was born in April, he was very sad - he wanted another boy to play with! Caleb and I had talked about how fun it would be to have a boy and to have another grandson for his dad, a grandson for my dad and the only second great-grandson for his grandfather.

BUT, instead we got a daddy's girl - something Caleb has wanted since our last miscarriage. And we couldn't be happier. We are beyond excited that it's a girl and even more so, elated that the baby is happy, healthy and thriving!

Towards the end of the ultrasound, the tech was still measuring things (my placenta, the cervix, Sprout's head and neck) and evidently, Sprout had had enough. She was laying pretty quietly, only moving a bit through the majority of the ultrasound. The last ten minutes or so, however, she REALLY started moving around - feeling that against the ultrasound wand was beyond stranged but it tickled and made me laugh :)

We don't have any names picked out yet, although we do have a few names we like and two that we really like. We're going to wait until she arrives before making any decisions...and who knows, maybe we'll find a name that grabs us even more!

To tell our parents, we gave them each a bag of various shades of pink/red Jelly Belly jelly beans in a sealed bag. My in-laws were going to visit my brother-in-law, his wife and four children, so they called us when they opened it. My nephew opened the bag and everyone asked what it was. He replied, "It's a BAG OF CANDY!" :) He was super excited for the candy, not noting the color. So someone asked what the color was and one of my nieces said, "I think it's pink...does that mean it's a girl?" - Caleb was on the phone with them and laughed out loud at the antics going on :) My parents were equally excited as well to have a granddaughter and my sisters are beyond excited to have a niece to dress up :)

We are, too :)

Baby things and other things

Sprout is now the size of a sweet potato and is movin' and groovin' right along. In the last week or so, I've felt what I believe to be none other than Sprout moving around in there :) It feels like popping and rolling and it often takes me by complete surprise!
We go next week for our ultrasound (the last one we had was at 7 weeks) and hopefully, Sprout will cooperate, we will have an amazing tech and we will be able to find out if we're having a boy or a girl!
We're finally allowing ourselves to get somewhat excited about the baby - buying books, looking at items to register, talking to friends about what to register FOR (goodness there is a TON of stuff out there!) and finally deciding on names. This all still seems so surreal...

My uncle, as I think I wrote before, has cancer. It started in his kidney and has spread throughout his bones (upper spine, breastbone). The pressure of the tumor on his spine has caused him to become paralyzed from the waist down, causing him to not be able to sit up for longer than 5 or 10 minutes and he has completely lost the ability to feel/move one of his legs...and he will never be able to again. In addition to this, the radiation he was recieving in hopes of shrinking the tumors has caused his bones to weaken as well...he is also overweight and has diabetes. He has been moved from home to a hospital, back home, back to the hosptial and it was just decided to move him to an outpatient long-term rehabilitation center. It breaks my heart to hear all this - he is one of the greatest men I know :) We used to watch old Western movies on TV on Saturday mornings when we would visit him, eating cereal or if we were lucky, chocolate milk and donuts at the kitchenette table with him. And then we would plead with him to open the pool so that we could soak up our summer vacation there :) I can't imagine how hard this is for my aunt and I can only get a glimpse of how hard this is for my mom and her siblings. My grandmother has Alzheimer's disease and while she knows (and hopefully understands) that he is sick, she does not know to what extent. And it's best that way - she wouldn't be able to grasp it and things are so up in-the-air as far as what happens next. Right now, my uncle is at the center and gets his chemo there. He seems to be in good spirits, being sarcastic to my mom as usual over the phone! We are hopefully going to go visit him next weekend (Labor Day weekend) and visit some other family for the weekend in Ohio.

Caleb has a job interview next Tuesday and we are praying that this is the direction God wants him in...he is no longer happy where he is at and it would do him a lot of good to get out and move on to something new, not to mention the pay increase. I have decided not to go back to the daycare where I worked (too much stress on my health and our finances) and will be subbing this year in the surrounding school systems. The pay is about equal to what I was getting paid at the daycare but it's not consistent pay, which scares me. I keep telling myself that I need to rely totally on God, but this is harder for me to do than to say.

I have no energy today and in fact, am still in my comfy pj pants and t-shirt. I did make the rest of the peanut butter kiss cookies,notice the cookie with no kiss? I counted wrong and ate the extras and only realized my mistake after it was too late....

sorted through the rest of the maternity clothes that my sister-in-law gave me and am in the process of washing them...I think she may have washed them before she gave them to me, but I found several spiders and a dead earwig in the box, so I figured another washing wasn't going to hurt!
I think, after looking through the clothes, I may need another pair of jeans or two, another pair of dress pants, some dress tops, winter tops and maybe a few more t-shirts :) But all in all, not much. There are a few consignment shops here in town that I want to check out and my best friend lives very close to an Old Navy outlet store, so it's a perfect opportunity to see her (and her growing belly!) and check out the maternity clothes together!

Well, I should go let Miss Princess out of her room (the cat) and get ready to start dinner. Making homemade chicken parmigiana for the first time and it may take me a bit to get things figured out. I'm hoping that Caleb will be easily convinced to take a walk outside with his parents....I just have to find some pants that fit!

Sprout is now the size of an onion!

Baby's skeleton is hardening, changing from rubbery cartilage to bone, and fat is finally accumulating around it. The umbilical cord is getting thicker and stronger, and those little fingers and toes are now topped by one-of-a-kind prints.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
We had our 16 week appointment last week and everything went well. Doctor measured me and said that Sprout *our nickname for the baby - we didn't want to use peanut, as we had used it before and wanted something different. Someone suggested Sprout and we love it!* is doing well. The heartbeat was in the 140's, which is a bit lower than before but he said that it's normal for the heart rate to go down a bit as their brains grow a bit...and it only went down from 150 to 145, so he wasn't concerned. Me, on the other hand... He also felt comfortable enough for us to go back in 4 weeks as opposed to 2 weeks (we have been going every 2 weeks since we first found out). This made me extremely nervous at first, but he knows what he's doing and we both (my husband and I) feel very confident in his care.
He measured my belly and moved my due date up a few days from 1/30/10 to 1/27/10, which I believe is either the due date of my cousin or the due date of my husband's co-worker...can't remember. He scheduled us for an ultrasound on September 2, where we will see Sprout since the last time at 7 weeks, check to make sure everything is going well and to see if we have a boy or a girl. We're both finally allowing ourselves to be excited and have, we think, picked out two boy and two girl names that we want to use. We have middle names picked out for both but won't be sharing the names (at least the first names) until the baby is born.

We haven't picked out any nursery colors/themes or anything like that yet. We don't know yet what room we are going to use either. We are going to attend some free product classes (pumps, strollers, carseats, cribs, highchairs, etc.) at a local toy store as well as look into taking the classes at the hospital - we are going to check to see if our insurance will cover a portion or all of the costs or if we can use it towards our Flexible Spending Account. We'll see.

My morning sickness/all-day sickness has returned, being worse at night around dinner time. This is exactly how it was during the first trimester and with the first and third babies (I was exhausted and famished with the second baby).

My sister-in-law just gave me a HUGE box of maternity clothes -there are quite a bit of clothes for summer and a few items for winter. I'll need to go get some dress clothes and some fall/winter items - my best friend said that Old Navy has an outlet store by her house and they have some great deals with maternity clothes. There's also a couple of consignment shops in the area that I want to go to but (and this may sound weird) I don't want to go by myself. Maybe someone would love to go with me?! :)

Other than that, not much is going on. I've been spending my days just sleeping and resting. I'm going to shower and go work on my best friend (and her family)'s Christmas gift..yeah, I'm slow! We're just hanging out around here - the dog is wanting to go out but it's wet and she won't and the cat is sleeping somewhere...it's a good day!

Medical updates and prayer request

I had my yearly check-up with my Infectious Disease Specialist to see how my liver is functioning and to check my Hepatitis C viral load. She also checks for any signs that my TB may becoming active, but so far, so good.
BACKGROUND:
HEP C: I did the treatment for the Hep C nearly 5 years ago - started in August of 2004 and finished July 2005...three weeks earlier, I might add :) Since that point, I have remained undetectable - something I am extremely pleased about. The type of Hep C I have (called a "genotype) is Genotype 1a...the most common in North America and unfortunately, the most resilant to treatment. I know of two women who have responded and then relapsed after treatment...causing one to go through various other versions of the treatment. I was fortunate and extremely blessed to have time and age on my side - they figure I got the Hep C from a tattoo I recieved in 2003 and it was diagnosed at the beginning of 2004, so I didn't have the virus in my system long (I COULD have gotten the Hep C from blood transfusions as a NICU patient as a wee one, but my dad donated most of the blood and he's tested negative and the amount I had wasn't enough for it to have been festering in my body for 22 years) AND I was young. The youngest patient ever treated by my Infectious Disease Specialist.
Of course, I threw everyone for loops during treatment - had a rather clean liver biopsy (something not expected), had to terminate student teaching for a year and had to move back home with my parents, left one Infectious Disease specialist and met/developed a great relationship with my current one, had heavy side effects, got very ill, ended up in the ER due to the flu, was on at one point, 12 different medications to combat the side effects and 2 actual chemotherapy-type drugs for the virus, lost my hair in patches, showed signs of and had confirmation that I am allergic to Ambien and have seizure activity because of the allergy....BUT, I cleared the virus after only 4 months of treatment...something that doesn't happen too often. And I've been clear ever since.

TB: When I applied for the Kindergarten teaching position back in 2006, I had the usual medical exam, including a TB test. The test was given at the doctor's office on a Tuesday afternoon - by the time I got home (it's a 20 minute drive), my injection site was raised, red and uncomfortable....by the time I returned the following day, my injection site was still raised and red, but has spread out to the size of a half dollar. After tears, fear, sputum tests and intense chest x-rays, we found no evidence of ACTIVE TB. I was exposed to it at some point -the State Health Department called and had to report my case because you don't see it too often. The woman stated that Native Americans are high-percentage carriers and I worked near a reservation during my student teaching, I had 5 Native American students in my classrooms...there's not a way to tell where I got that either but they said I could have gotten it in line at the grocery store. I tried to do the treatment but it caused uncomfortable/painful loss of feeling in my hands and feet (something that is usually common later on in treatment) and quit the treatment. The treatment was not absolutely necessary at the time as my TB infection was/is not active.
~~~~~~~~
CURRENT:
HEP C: I have been undetectable of the virus since August of 2005. I was tested every 6 months for the first two years and then last year, I had to be tested only once a year. This year was the same. The bloodwork takes about a week to get the results in (the test has to be sent to the Mayo Clinic) but the doctor is confident that this year will be no different than previous years.
We discussed how this may affect the baby/pregnancy. She said that since finding out that we were pregnant, she a) panicked - she seriously thinks she's a bad luck charm because every time I've seen her/passed her while pregnant, we either just lost the baby or was going to find out that we had lost the baby and b) she called many of her colleagues to see what THEY thought about our situation. All agreed that the chance is so low to get Hep C that the baby won't need to be tested, at least not right away. I, however, will be need to be tested 2 months after the baby is born (and subsequently thereafter if the situation needs it) to see if the Hep C is detectable. Often times, patients with Lupus, Hep C, etc. feel exceptionally well during the pregnancy but afterwards, can have a relapse. She said it's also an excuse to see the baby, who she thinks will be a girl :)
TB: Not much. I didn't think to ask her if the TB acts the same way after pregnancy as the Hep C...I'll try to remember to call tomorrow and ask.


We have our 16 week OB appointment this afternoon and honestly? I'm scared. I always am a bit fearful when we go - and I think I will be until we hold the baby . If you think about, pray for some peace and calmness today for both my husband and I. He gets just as, if not more, nervous as I do !

Musings late at night...

It's 11:30 pm - do you know where YOUR spouse is?

He's upstairs, battling a nasty head-cold/sinus infection/something nasty that may be settling in his chest. He's on day 3 of feeling crummy, although today is the worst "sounding" he's been since starting feeling yucky on Sunday. Today he said he felt worse yesterday than today; however, he's acted weaker today than the previous two days but feels less warm and looks less pale...

Oh boy!

I'm tired but hungry. Craving hummus to go with the baked pita chips in our cupboard but don't have a single item to make it. Would also love some s'mores over a fire...or at least over the stove. But I don't think we have marshmallows.

So. I'm hungry and don't know what to eat. I'm hoping I'll have gained the three pounds by the time I go back to the doctors on Tuesday...I lost three pounds over a week and we're not sure why. I'm eating, but still not up to my "normal" amounts. And certain things still aren't sounding great/smelling great. Ugh.

Hopefully tomorrow Caleb will be feeling well enough so that we can take belly pictures, finally. We've held off for many reasons but are hoping that this is really, truly happening and we can take pictures. I've also thought about buying a pregnancy journal now...I have three others in a large box upstairs that only have a few pages filled in. I was honestly scared to buy one because every single time I was either given/purchased one previously, we miscarried.
It seems silly, even stupid, to some who haven't walked this walked...but to us, it's not.

My abdomen muscles are sore - somewhat crampy today but mostly just sore.

I have a belly now :) Small but it's there !